Blog with Matthew

Blog with B

My sister-in-law Bethany, Auntie Bee, is visiting and also reading FEEL.  So I thought I would lay down my virtual pen and paper and let her have a go.  Beside, you hear enough from me already!  Enjoy.

I have just been informed by my niece that she is going to use my arm as a pillow while my nephew is trying to con a dollar bill off of me to do a magic trick. What is it like to spend the weekend at an author's house? It might come as a surprise to you that we spend more time fending off the mosquitoes from our outdoor waffle breakfast than we did analyzing each others emotions. However this is not to say that there isn't plenty of glee and gloom. With three kids in the house, emotions run the gantlet. Luckily this is my second reading of Feel and I know that God is pleased with how He created us in all our expressions!

Have you ever made it halfway through a book and known that you already wanted to read it again? This book is hard work. An easy read does not mean an easy application. It takes courage to look at how you have been relating to your heart vs your head and make healthy changes. Its is too easy to skim through the main points without allowing the depth of meaning to penetrate how you live. I want to see the deeper truth that grounds the waving red flag of my emotion. I want to be thankful that God has given me spontaneity and outbursts so that what is really going on under the surface of my smiles can point me closer to Him.

Let's get the word out that emotions are a gift! My niece just got a self inflating balloon for her birthday and after 20 minutes of intense hot potato, its leaking. There is a certain maturity that is needed to care for the gifts we are given. We can use or abuse gifts but they are still given as gifts. I know that God is still working on my maturity in my range of emotions but I am thankful for the permission FEEL gives me to be wholehearted in the life God has given me.

STAY TUNED, you never know what God will do

For the past four months we have been preparing to purchase a building for our African headquarters in Jos, Nigeria.  The building we have rented for the last eight years is up for sale.  It seems perfect for our needs.  For well under $300,000 we get storage for 250,000 + books, offices for about 12 staff, a retail shop, a wholesale showroom, four apartments, a large classroom, a single family - four bedroom apartment, significant parking space and more.  27 people work here and up to 16 or so call the place home.  We have seen millions of books and Bibles go out from this facility over the past years.  Moving all this would be a huge task and we are comfortable and settled where we are at.

Asking God to show us the way, things seemed set.  Our landlord agreed to sell to us, but things are not what they seemed.  He is very sick, and verbal commitments have come and gone several times.  There were more delays that we did not really understand.  And our lease is running out, we need someplace to go.

On the other hand, a commitment of $300,000 has me worried - really concerned.  Do we really have the money?  Can our cash flow take the hit, how are we to find money to buy the books Africa needs if we spend this much on a building?  Is this wisdom talking or just my lack of faith?

We are ready to buy, would have bought by now, but our landlord is delaying again.

Across town, we have heard about a property owned by a devout Nigerian Christian that he may be willing to sell.  The location is better for our needs, the building can handle more business than we can now, and the land will allow for almost unlimited expansion.   Our current place is full to overflowing, all the space well used.  This property is half the price.  That means more money to buy books that Africa desperately needs and this price seems much more prudent to me.

I do not know what God is doing, but it seems he may have had a purpose in all this waiting.  Maybe he is overruling our perfect choice for something better.  Four months of praying and waiting could be over soon.  We will see what building God gives.  We are looking for his best, not our choice.  It has not been an easy road, but in the process our faith is being built.  When we come out the other side, I am working on believing that God will use the wait, the frustration, and the building will be for our best.

For more on the Oasis building project visit the Oasis blog.

http://oasisinternational.typepad.com/oasis_international/2008/07/jos-hq-a-messag.html

From My Dad! Thanks Dad!

Who’s Responsible?

Believe.  What I believe helps determine my emotions. So who’s responsible?  Who’s responsible to get the job done?

The anxiety rises when it’s me, that’s for sure. Especially when the task is important.

Talk about pressure.  When I was a student I went on one of George Verwer’s first mission trips to Mexico. At that time Send the Light (now Operation Mobilization) had a strict policy – don’t ask anyone but the Lord for financial aid to pay for the trip.  The Lord is able to provide.  We believed he could but for crying out loud.  We were no spiritual giants!

But as college students who signed up for the trip we had only one option: pray for the funds.

I remember clearly the night we had an all night prayer meeting. We were sitting in one of the college classrooms. It was late. We’d been praying a while when George asked that each of us stand up when we believed that the Lord would meet our personal financial needs for the trip. This was in front of our friends.

Talk about pressure! Here I was sitting on the floor. Fellow students one-by-one were standing up all around me. They had gained some kind of spiritual insight that the Lord would provide. And I remained seated. Was I spiritually stunted?  What were my friends thinking? Yikes!

Then I realized something. As best I knew it was pleasing to the Lord for me to go on the trip. It was the STL policy that I was not to ask anyone for money. If God wanted me to go, and if the organization restricted me in this way, then he was responsible, not me. It was simple, really.

The emotional pressure was gone! I stood up. No doubt the Lord would provide. End of story. And without asking anyone, people who knew I was going sent me money. Why did they?  I never asked. It just happened. My belief changed in that prayer meeting.  My emotions changed.  The pressure dissipated.

OK. Now fast-forward. I serve on the Board of Oasis International, the organization that Matthew manages. We have a goal; one we believe is from the Lord. Our goal is to distribute 1,000,000 Bibles and 750,000 books each year on a self-sustaining basis. To do that our projections indicate we need $4.5 to $5 million dollars of additional capital. We’re a not-for-profit. We don’t have the contacts to raise that kind of money.

So who’s responsible? There are a couple of possibilities. The pressure possibility is that the staff (Matthew and those who work for him) and the Board (that includes me) are responsible. If the money doesn’t come we are to blame. For us, particularly because we know the needs in Africa very well, and because we are passionate to see them met, that is pressure big time! How will millions of Africans without a Bible find solid spiritual direction for their lives? How will hundreds of thousands of African pastors who have no access to books other, perhaps, than a Bible, gain the knowledge they desire without those books?  This is not something to be taken lightly! Believe me, I’ve had my sleepless nights over it.

But I’ve come to understand that my belief system is wrong. Sure I’m responsible to work hard. I’m responsible to make known the need and the opportunity to help capitalize this effort. But who’s ultimately responsible!

If the Lord has laid this on us, and if he cares a lot more about fulfilling the need for Bibles for his church in Africa – and how could I even come close to caring as much as he does – isn’t the responsibility his?

No, I don’t know quite how to raise the funds (I’m working on that now that I’ve sold my business). The other board members are all working on it too, but they still have jobs and none of us are professional fund-raisers. The staff is doing all it can as well, but they have very full time jobs at Oasis International without this responsibility.

So who’s responsible? Like the day I finally stood up in the Send the Light all-night prayer meeting, we as Oasis need to stand up and say: “You, Lord, gave us this vision.  You, Lord, care a lot more about your African church than we do (though we care a lot).  You, Lord, know how to get this job done; we don’t.  You, Lord, are responsible!!! We’re just here, best as we can, to work on the project. But you are the responsible one!  And we rejoice in that! And we can work without anxiety and without sleepless nights. Because our beliefs have been realigned. We are giving up being the ones who are responsible!”

I’ve shared these two very personal stories, because you, like me, may tend to take ultimate responsibility when you shouldn’t. Feel has helped me think through this situation in a very practical way. Thanks, Matthew, for writing it!

Love, Dad