Blog with Matthew

Sincerity and Feeling

Rich Asks:  What do you think about sincerity? If someone "acts on the truth despite a lack of feeling," are they really being sincere?

Thanks for your prayers and thoughts Rich!  You are asking a very good and, I think, deep question.  It merits thought and attention.  For now, what I would say is that you can be sincere in believing the truth even when not feeling the thing in your heart.  As we can believe the death of a loved-one is somehow related to Romans 8:28 when we have no possible understanding how, and do not understand the truth with and through our feelings.  Then we have sincerity by believing God AND admitting our struggle and questions.  To be insincere is to smile and say I totally feel Romans 8:28 in my heart in the midst of the grief when you do not.  So sincerity is about honesty, not about emotion matching perfectly what we believe to be true.  Over time, the degree of the match will improve as we dig and struggle and live out of the truth.  That is what we are striving for, and that striving is sincere.

Having an Interlude? Thoughts on Psalm 44.

Mostly I wanted to share this Psalm and let is speak for itself, but I will add a few thoughts here and there.  The Psalmist seems to start out so positive, so pumped about God and all he does for us.  There are no illusions of power; we do not accomplish anything in our strength.  God must be the one that fights for us.  The author knows who God is and the history of His work among the people.  Read on for the Interlude that changes everything…

 

O God, we have heard it with our own ears—

                         our ancestors have told us

             of all you did in their day,

                         in days long ago:

              You drove out the pagan nations by your power

                         and gave all the land to our ancestors.

             You crushed their enemies

                         and set our ancestors free.

             They did not conquer the land with their swords;

                         it was not their own strong arm that gave them victory.

             It was your right hand and strong arm

                         and the blinding light from your face that helped them,

                         for you loved them.

             You are my King and my God.

                         You command victories for Israel.

             Only by your power can we push back our enemies;

                         only in your name can we trample our foes.

             I do not trust in my bow;

                         I do not count on my sword to save me.

             You are the one who gives us victory over our enemies;

                         you disgrace those who hate us.

             O God, we give glory to you all day long

                         and constantly praise your name.

 

                                                 Interlude

 

How quickly things can change with some tough times.  We face an interlude of devastation and the questions start, Eight verses of praise turn into fifteen of groaning and questions.  A dear friends of ours lost their daughter to a drunk driver this summer, a single mom we love has just lost her job and does not know what is next for her and her five kids, my colleague in Nigeria died a month ago of a heart attack that shocked everyone.  How is that for some Interludes?  Hear the hurt and frustration get poured out to God.  Can you feel the heart bursting out in pain and sorrow?

 

             But now you have tossed us aside in dishonor.

                         You no longer lead our armies to battle.

              You make us retreat from our enemies

                         and allow those who hate us to plunder our land.

             You have butchered us like sheep

                         and scattered us among the nations.

             You sold your precious people for a pittance,

                         making nothing on the sale.

             You let our neighbors mock us.

                         We are an object of scorn and derision to those around us.

             You have made us the butt of their jokes;

                         they shake their heads at us in scorn.

             We can’t escape the constant humiliation;

                         shame is written across our faces.

             All we hear are the taunts of our mockers.

                         All we see are our vengeful enemies.

             All this has happened though we have not forgotten you.

                         We have not violated your covenant.

             Our hearts have not deserted you.

                         We have not strayed from your path.

             Yet you have crushed us in the jackal’s desert home.

                         You have covered us with darkness and death.

             If we had forgotten the name of our God

                         or spread our hands in prayer to foreign gods,

             God would surely have known it,

                         for he knows the secrets of every heart.

             But for your sake we are killed every day;

                         we are being slaughtered like sheep.

             Wake up, O Lord! Why do you sleep?

                         Get up! Do not reject us forever.

             Why do you look the other way?

                         Why do you ignore our suffering and oppression?

             We collapse in the dust,

                         lying face down in the dirt.

             Rise up! Help us!

                         Ransom us because of your unfailing love.

 

Interludes are not always about mistakes we have made, sins we have committed – we may very well be able to argue our case from the standpoint of the righteous.  And sometimes God waits beyond what we think we are able to bare.  If you have not hit an Interlude like this, chances are you will because life can be really hard.  Or perhaps you are in one right now.  Pour out your questions, express your hurt.  Do it.  But do it in the context of God, put it in the frame of who God is, how He has acted in the past, and your expectations of His deliverance in the future.  Challenge God to act out of who you know He is as savior and deliverer, your only hope.  He will be faithful, even after an Interlude.

Walk the Dog

I have noticed something interesting about our dog, Buddy.  Very simply, the less he walks, the less he wants to walk.  A typical day for buddy involves six to ten hours of resting, napping, lying up-side-down legs outstretched - mostly on the couch he is allowed to lay on.  He gets up just to change resting

positions.  This is especially true now, with our kids back in school.

 

When I am home, I do my best to take him on one fast and vigorous walk of at least a mile, often two.  Here is the catch, when he misses a day or two he gets even more lazy.  When we force him to be active, he gets even more active.  He can go through a whole day, only occasionally getting up to bark at a chipmunk, without showing any interest in being playful and energetic.  But take Buddy for a walk, and as soon as were done, he wants to play ball, tug-of-war or “chaise my tail.”

 

Energy breeds energy, laziness breeds laziness.

 

Now I know where you think I am going with this.  It has been so long since I have written a blog…  but I hope that is due to maximum activity in other areas not laziness – but your thought would be more than justified. 

 

I have been thinking about Buddy and walks and I guess my point is just this, when we do the things we were created to do, when we get the spiritual, emotional and relational exercise we need it makes us crave more.  Doing what is good for us gives fulfillment and energy and makes us realize our need to get out and live.  Doing nothing breeds doing nothing.

 

So when I think of taking a day off from working out my body, feeding my mind, or meditating for my soul I need to consider Buddy.  Is this getting needed rest – if so great; or will I be gaining energy and momentum by doing the thing that seems to require more of me?  More often than not, if I get moving it creates the energy to keep on moving.  And for those all-important spiritual disciplines, this lesson from Buddy gives me a good reason to continue to set the alarm to get up in time to read and pray.

Obedience and feeling ... good, bad, indifferent.

"If you love Me you will do what I command ... My command is this: love one another." John 14 & 15.  "If your child comes to you disobedient, troubled, irritating ... love him/her; if a muslim walks into your church, love him/her ... " PastorCarl Buffington, New Covenant Church.  "The least remembered of the 10 Commandments is 'Honor your mother and father'", Dennis Rainey, Real Family Life.

So what does it mean to be obedient, to honor, to love?  To follow "my Father's commands"?  Listen to that 'nudge' and follow through...follow directions...do what my spouse asks in a timely manner...do not lie, ever...do not cheat, ever. Be kind to that irritating person or love that irritating person? And what about the 'white lies' or the sarcastic, goofing around kind of cheating or the bending of the rules like '7 miles over the speed limit is okay'?

Obedience is no easy task ... simple maybe, but not easy. Since 2006, I have felt compelled to start a skate boarding minisry in honor and rememberance of our son Luke.  For those of you who do not know, Luke died suddenly in 2005 from Ehlers Danlos (VEDS). Luke was a skater, I was a fearful "sk8 mom" and was blessed when a Christian Skate DVD fell into my hands. We were successful in teaching Luke about being a light in a dark world; we trust that Luke is skating with Jesus eternally.

I do not look like a skater, nor does my husband.  I have picked up a few words here and there like 'sweet', 'sick', 'dude' (still works), 'gnarly' (yep, that word is still around), and 'cool' (of course).  But only a few, I do not dress like a skater, and sometimes all the tatoos find me staring too long at an arm or leg.  And yet, I have heard from God that we are to "love even these"...I have heard to "build a fortress (community)to protect our youth (skaters)" ... obedience, honor, love. 

So for over 3 years, we have been trying to build something to love and protect.  There have been many days where I have questioned this command, I have ignored the stuff I was being nudged about or have pushed hard to do it my way and not wait for God to provide the way. I have been discouraged, ignored, laughed at (bad feelings) ... I have ignored, put on the back burner, 'not now'-ed (indifferent feelings) ... and I have been encouraged, supported, built up, helped (good feelings).

Yesterday we successfully had our first "free sk8" ... we provided free everything for any skater that showed up.  Admission to the skate park, free hot dogs, chips, water, energy drinks, gatorade, t-shirts, decks, stickers ... really, not one thing did we charge for ... we just smiled, shown brightly, and gave a day of fun. And this morning, filled with mixed up feelings, I am preparing for a meeting with our team and board to discuss, pray about and discern 'just how often can we do this?'

Being obedient does not always feel good.  Being obedient often stinks. Especially while we are making the decision to be obedient ... and yet, "if you love me, do as my Father commands".  "Feel" is about dealing with good and bad feelings while following His commands. It is about learning to use our emotions (good or bad) to become a light in our dark world. To make our dark world a loving and beautiful place for others...to be in relationship with others, to love one another.  So when have you struggled with obedience and feelings, good, bad or indifferent?

Getting Mad, Jealous, or Upset with your Spouse and Numbers 5

My wife read these words to me from Numbers 5 early this morning as we both took some time in God’s Word.  This may just be the most unusual passage to write a devotional on yet – for me anyway.  It goes against our western sensibilities.

“Then the LORD said to Moses,  “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘If a man’s wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him by sleeping with another man, and this is hidden from her husband and her impurity is undetected (since there is no witness against her and she has not been caught in the act),  and if feelings of jealousy come over her husband and he suspects his wife and she is impure — or if he is jealous and suspects her even though she is not impure —  then he is to take his wife to the priest. He must also take an offering of a tenth of an ephah of barley flour on her behalf. He must not pour oil on it or put incense on it, because it is a grain offering for jealousy, a reminder offering to draw attention to guilt.” …

The passage goes on for some time to describe a ritual that is meant to bring the matter to conclusion for both parties, proving guilt or innocence.  It is a protection for the accused and the accuser.  If the woman is not guilty the jealous guy need to put the jealousy behind him and move on, the whole community will know of his false accusation and he will be more careful in the future.  If guilty, a curse is pronounced on the unfaithful spouse and the man is vindicated.

My wife and I talked about the passage, and she pointed out the implications for our understanding of emotion.  Look how seriously God takes jealousy, there is a good chance it is pointing to the truth.  There is no brushing aside the feeling without a thorough analysis.  At the same time, there is room to prove the emotion and the man wrong – emotion can show the truth but does not necessarily show it.  There is also resolution, there is not to be a stewing, an incessant dripping, a holding on to doubt.  The matter and the emotion is to be confronted and dealt with right away in the strongest terms.

Kind of an unorthodox and strange passage to find truth about emotion but there it is.  A few simple truths shine through clearly, especially as we work to build strong marriages and relationships:

1) Confront what seem to be hard and even dangerous emotions head on, do not sit and stew.

2) Involve your spouse and even your community when dealing with them.

3) Both parties need to be ready to either find truth in the emotion, or if it does not line up with the facts, to forgive and move on.

These are the steps that build relationships.  Pushing down hard emotions, holding onto negative feelings, or letting them out violently without taking steps toward a final resolution are all bad ideas.  If we learn to handle hard emotions in a relationship well, that will go a long way toward building a great relationship.

A note from Deb - Today ... handling today!

Today is the eve of an anniversary.  Today is tough; tomorrow is tougher. 

 

Today is the eve of the death of my son, four years ago.  Some friends came by yesterday and asked if I was okay, did I want to be alone this weekend, how was I doing ... you know, "how do you feel, deb, about all this stuff?"

 

My wonderful husband sent me a note from John Eldridge's daily devotional, The Ransomed Heart.  Interesting... it is titled "The Loss of Everything that Mattered"  ... dated ... today.

 

Today I have been "emoting" ... that is a clinical term for crying , showing high level of emotion at the drop of a hat for no foreseen reason.  Heck, I hear a song, see a child, hear a skateboard and the emotions flow.

 

Matthew Elliott ponders via Twitter ... "If love was not emotional at its core, Paul could never have written 1 Cor 13 - greatest actions imaginable are not necessarily love."  ... dated ... today.

 

So emotion, feelings, love, joy, sadness, crying, laughing ... how do we handle this in these tough times?  One tear at a time, one friend at a time, one smile at a time, and with the grace of God, God's loving emotion flowing all over us.

 

 

From the Ransomed Heart ...

 

The Loss of Everything That Mattered
04/30/2009

---

We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. (T. S. Eliot)

Look, I am making all things new! (Jesus of Nazareth)

See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come. (Song 2:11–12)

I was walking in the woods and fields behind our house one evening four months after Brent’s death. My heart was so aware of the loss—not only of Brent, but in some ways, of everything that mattered. I knew that one by one, I would lose everyone I cared about and the life I am still seeking. In the east, a full moon was rising, bright and beautiful and enormous as it seems when it is just above the horizon. Toward the west, the clouds were turning peach and pink against a topaz sky. Telling myself to long for eternity feels like telling myself to let go of all I love—forever. It feels like accepting the teaching of Eastern religions, a denial of life and all God created. We lose it all too soon, before we can even begin to live and love. But what if ? What if nature is speaking to us? What if sunrise and sunset tell the tale every day, remembering Eden’s glory, prophesying Eden’s return? What if it shall all be restored? (Desire, J. Eldridge.)

 

Emotions and Feelings

Mike asks a great question this week: “When I reached the 7th blog in your book I was shocked to read the part that says that emotions and feelings are different. When I read through the chapter I see your point and I agree that they differ but there are some things in which I cannot pin point the whether they are feelings or emotions, I am really confused when it comes to this matter. Things like love, I know that love has a feeling and it has an emotion. There are times where we feel loved and when it is really love and I can’t really see when they differ. Things like laughter, is laughter the emotion or simply the feeling we get from being joyful?”

Wow, that is a lot to think about, Mike.  My major point is that emotions are about our thoughts, our minds, our thinking process.  They are not based or centered in our body or nerves as many early psychologists taught.  See Faithful Feelings for a review of the history of this.  If emotions were based in our body, we could never know the difference between being sick because of the flu and being sick out of being nervous – for example.  The attachment to thinking is what makes the nervous emotional.

We could also look at it like the classic question, “What came first, the chicken or the egg.”  We affirm, the thinking – conscious or unconscious - came first.  Anything else is logically impossible – again see Faithful Feelings.  Feelings, in a strict sense, is what we feel in our bodies and these come after the emotion, are caused by the emotion.  So we laugh at something because we THINK it is funny, we feel butterflies because we THINK something or someone is lovable.  Emotions produce physical feelings in out bodies much of the time – sometimes they do not but most of the time they do.  Yes, sometimes you need to think, “hmm, do I have this stomach thing because of that extra piece of cheesecake or because I am about the propose to my girl?”  If we think about it a bit and give it some time, usually we can figure that out without too much trouble.

Hope that helps Mike, keep pondering these things so you can become emotional mature!

Listen in Your Area!

I had a great time at the Moody Radio Network recording for Prime Time America for airing next week.  Greg Wheatley and I laughed,  cried (not really),  renewed connections and talked about mutual friends (notably Dr. Kent Hughes from the church where I was raised and ordained - and yes Pastor Hughes you still need to read FEEL!).  We did five segments, one for each day.  They will air around 4:45, before the 5:00 news CST. 

1) An overview of how we often think of emotion in our churches and an honest look at emotional maturity

2) Some thoughts on how emotions was viewed by different people in church history, and why we have often been confused about them

3) Emotion in the Bible, most notably the honesty and authenticity of the Psalms

4) How do you handle harmful emotions - getting to the why

5) Emotions in our relationships - how we handle our emotions and express them well or badly will either tear down or build up other people

If this has peaked your interest, find a station near you here or listen online.  By the way, what a voice Greg Wheatley has. Wouldn't it be great to be able to sound like that?  Will we get a better version of our own voice in heaven - having just published Heaven for Africa, I will have to ask Randy Alcorn. 

I can tell you one funny thing.  When we were talking about different personality types and Greg asked if Laura and I were opposites.  I said "Yes, we kinda are."  He said, "And I know who is the talkative outgoing one, that's you right."  Laura and I just cracked up and I replied, "No, I just love talking about this stuff."  Having seen my very emotive enthusiasm in the interview, Greg mistook this reserved, controlled, guy for the outgoing loud one.  Well, I guess by God's grace we can get out of our shell and go for it.  Especially if we really LOVE what we are talking about and can't wait to share the message.  So pray with me that many people listening next week, like me, will gain a new passion to express themselves and live the kind of vibrant life that God intended.

People Matter (Faith Proved by Fact of Feelings #2)

In my devotions this morning I was struck by these words from 1 Corinthians 3:

The only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves. Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you.  Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts.

Then I read this from EM Bounds, "The trend of the day has the tendency to loose sight of the individual, or to sink the individual in the plan or organization.  God's plan, however, is to make much of his people, far more of them than anything else.  People are God's method.  The church is looking for better methods, God is looking for better people."  (Power Through Prayer)

I am a plan guy, a build the organization guy, a strategic planning "Good to Great" guy.  That is not all bad, but it leads to a lot of unneeded stress and unmet expectations and is not the center.  To Paul, people are the center, and that is all to do with how we feel and treat others.  Paul was not into proofs and building organizations as much as was into changed lives.  That is the standard he lived by - "Is God using me to impact those I see and know and touch?"  That is what mattered to him.

So we go back to how we prove the gospel from my last post, by facts or feelings?  Paul argued strongly, he knew his Old Testament practically by heart.  God's word and proving truth mattered in every synagogue he visited.  But the proof to him that it was working, that it was worth it - changed hearts and transformed people.  People around us know that is true as well and they look to our feelings to see if we believe what we say we do.

Fear or Faith OR Fear and Faith

I heard from a friend that in their small group study they were discussing fear. Some strong discussion was had and some opinions were expressed that if you have any fear, you are not having faith.  Fear is the opposite of faith, any fear is selfishness.  Now that is bad news for me, as I battle fear regularly, I doubt a lot, I do not understand things and have lots of what if questions that can all too easily lead to fear.  Is fear the opposite of faith or can you have fear and faith together?  I had to take another hard look at myself and what God has to say.

First off, we are never told that Jesus feared, it seems to be something he did not experience.  Anger, yes; sorrow, yes; joy; yes but not fear.  Jesus knew all things and knew the future.  I am glad that Jesus was God and could live like that.  Would I want to believe in a Jesus that had fear?  Now don’t I want to be like Jesus, aren't we supposed to follow his example? 

In light of that and my own struggles, I was glad to have read my devotions this morning which included a reading from Dale Davis’ great commentary on Judges (Christian Focus – thanks to my friend William for keeping this in print!).   I am reading about Gideon and let me quote freely if you do not mind.

“Here is not your conventional, crusty, immovable man of steel: Gideon is no fearless all-pro linebacker, no General Patton.”  Gideon was afraid of the invading hordes and God, instead of criticizing, provides amazing encouragement - in a bizarre way trough dreams and spying and so forth - from the mouth of one of his enemies who is afraid of Gideon.  Davis writes, “The Lord knows the fears of his servants, knows how scared we can be in our various circumstances.  ‘He [emphatic] knows our frame’ (Ps. 103:14).  Yet God is not so strict to be harsh when we tremble; He does not ridicule us for our fears; He never mocks us because we are fragile.  In light of that we need to alter our current stereotypes of what a servant of Christ is (or, is like).  We sometimes dupe ourselves into thinking that a real servant of Christ is only someone who is dynamic, assured, confident, brash, fearless, witty, adventuresome, or glamorous… don’t think you are unable because you don’t have that air about you.  Christ takes uncertain and fearful folk, strengthens their hands in the oddest ways, and makes them able to stand.” (pg 105-106).

Thanks God for that this morning, I needed it.

I am also comforted greatly in my own fear by the life of Paul.  If Paul struggled with it, perhaps I am also OK in the life of faith when I do.  In Acts 18 and 27 Paul is so fearful, God has to send visions to comfort and encourage.  Just a note OK – God I could use one of those vision things right now.  And what I find the most encouraging is in 2 Cor. 7:5, “For even when we came into Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were afflicted in every way – disputes without and fears within.”  Wow, and Paul talks about his body.  Did he have a wrenching stomach and sleepless hours when his body needed rest sometimes just like me?  Where is that vision God just for me?  Paul also fears and worries over the state of his converts (Gal 4:11, 1 Thess. 3:5).

But God has spoken today to me.  I didn’t just open to these words about Gideon that were medicine to my soul by chance after hearing the opinion that any fear was not faith, was not spiritual maturity, was all selfishness, was not right.  God sent me to places in the Word that say just the opposite.  Yes, Jesus did not fear, but I am not God and it is OK.  But that does not mean I should allow myself to stay there, I need to move beyond it and get to work however I can and whenever it comes.

As I think about my friends small group, I think this is the greatest tragedy: When we are so hard on fear we shut off authenticity and true relationship – we play at appearances.  The greatest comfort to me is that both Gideon and Paul were open about their fears.  Paul writes about it without shame, and Gideon takes his servant on his quest.  With Paul in 1 Cor., God sends Paul a friend - Titus.  A big part of getting through fear is sharing honestly with others that care and love you.  So instead of thinking we need to battle fear as a lack of faith, being strong and courageous, it might be better to call a friend and pour out your doubt, struggle and uncertainty about the future.  God will come to you in your fear, he will.